11.15.23
The Battle Between Contentment & Wanting More
Have you ever found yourself feeling guilty for wanting more than what you currently have?
Or maybe you hear a parent’s voice in your head telling you that you need to be grateful for what you’ve been given?
I’m willing to guess you’ve experienced both of these before. Or at least something similar.
Most of us grew up with (or adopted) the narrative that we are selfish if we desire more than our current circumstances can give us.
We’ve been cautioned against being entitled, ungrateful, spoiled.
There are plenty of different titles, but the message is the same:
The life you have now is the life you will always have, and wanting anything else means you’re a bad person.
If you had big dreams that you told to someone at some point, and it was received with scorn or “Well why do you want to do that? Most people don’t have what you already have” I just want to hold space for you. And if your dreams died that day and you started living a dimmer life, I hope you know that you are so loved. And your dreams ARE worth it.
People who tell you that you need to be content aren’t inherently bad people who are out to destroy your life. Chances are, they’re people who have had to work hard for everything they have. They might have come from families that didn’t get through life easily and had to fight for what they had.
If they were told by their families that “God always provides” and to be grateful they have food on their plates, and if they never challenged those beliefs, then of course they’re going to carry those with them and pass them on to more people.
They are a product of their upbringing.
But here’s the cool thing:
Once you realize that you don’t like a belief/way of being, you get to change it.
If you’re reading this and realize that it feels really shitty to hear someone tell you that in every season you need to be grateful and content (which you’re now understanding is their way of saying you need to stop dreaming), then maybe it’s time to make a change.
You don’t have to believe/agree with/accept that thought anymore.
What if you’re NOT actually a bad person because you want a nicer car, a greater income, a bigger house?
What if God put those desires on your heart for a reason?
What if the gap between where you currently are and where you want to be is the very space where God is going to meet you and change your life for the better?
Look, I am all for being content.
I do my best to express gratitude every day and thank God for his abundance.
But there’s a difference between being content and becoming complacent. And most people have muddied the water and mixed those two together.
Contentment is being grateful for where you are, while ALSO growing and working toward the goals you have.
Complacency is viewing what you have, deciding it’s “good enough” and then not pursuing your goals, under the guise of being grateful. When really, what you’re doing is being lazy and choosing not to put the work in because it feels hard and scary.
When you decide to stop accepting contentment and instead choose to go for what is on your heart, it’s going to be hard. It IS going to feel scary. You’re going to feel under prepared and not ready. And quite frankly, you’re going to upset a lot of people in your circles.
Your decision to pursue More might feel like a personal attack on them and their beliefs.
They’re going to fight you and try to bring you back into the fold to keep you safe. Remember, our brains are still operating at the age of cavemen, and being part of a tribe was the safest place to be. Stepping outside of the tribe meant you were an easy target for predators. Nowadays, most people aren’t aware that this is happening in the background, but YOU do. Which means you get to have compassion for them and their downstairs caveman brain that is trying so hard to keep you safe.
My encouragement is this:
Spend time in prayer and get really clear on what it is you want. What did God create you to do? And how have you been playing it safe in the name of “Being Content?”
Where did you pick up this belief that good girls are content and selfish girls are greedy? (Or whatever verbiage it is that you’re holding onto)
Then you get to lay it down.
What does it look like to stop believing that you can either be content (good) or ambitious (bad)?
And if you really need a kick in the gut, ask yourself “who is still hurt/stuck/in bondage/unhealthy/broke/etc because I’ve chosen to play it safe?”
God didn’t make you by mistake. And he certainly didn’t give you specific desires for no reason.
You can be content in each season while growing and pushing yourself to achieve your dreams. That doesn’t make you a bad person or ungrateful.
The world needs more people who are willing to step out of their comfort zones and make changes for the better.
Are you ready?
elise